Assertive???

(The blog was written around a month back!)

What is assertiveness? Usually, people associate assertiveness with the
capability to say "no" to people because more often than not, people end up
saying "yes" when actually they want to say "no". How many times have you
yielded to a friend's request to go out for a drive when you wanted to lie down
in your bed? Or, how many times have you lied to your relative about the abysmal
state of your car which is in good shape and she asked for it.

Assertiveness is much more than that. It is the ease with which one can state
the correct irrespective of the odds without being rude or offending. It might
sound easy but in practice that's one of the toughest things to do.

Today I was coming in a train. I was lying on the upper berth. Suddenly I smelt
a cigarette. A guy was sitting on the lower berth and was smoking happily
unaware of the problems being faced by me because of his smoke. I felt uneasy
and was about to ask to either avoid smoking or to go to the gate and smoke. But
something stopped me from doing it. I could not state to him that
smoking in the public place is illegal and that he should do what is correct. I
kept lying there deciding what to say when I had to speak out just two
sentences. I felt uneasy. I have done a workshop on Assertive skills and it was told that unless practiced, it would go waste. I felt
as if I gained nothing out of the workshop. I realized there were two things
that stopped me from saying anything to that guy: first, I was in a Sleeper
class when I had a ticket of General class. That way, I had no right to
tell him that he was wrong when I was on the same boat. So, I thought what would
I reply in case he asked me the same question. Second, just a few minutes back
he had an argument with another guy who asked him to shift so that the other guy
could also sit. This scared me a little for I thought what if he didn't stop
smoking and started arguing with me as well. What will happen to my pride? All through this, some churning was going on within me. I didn't like myself. Plus, I was reading "Atlas Shrugged" in
which people stood against the whole society for what they felt was correct and
their beliefs. They were not scared of anyone or anything and were ready to
withstand anything for their principles. I felt as if I had no right to read
that book for I was destroying its sanctity.
The dear guy started smoking once again. Since I had already gone through all this thought process, I could not
contain myself and politely asked him to go and smoke at the gate. I was ready
to counter whatever he said. To my relief, he looked at me with contempt, puffed
once more and threw the cigarette out. Later I thought when I took so much time
in only deciding what to tell the person that too when I was correct, he was
wrong and the Law of the nation was with me, what would happen when there would
be a fight on opinions, when no one would be wrong but only I correct
yet alone, as is usually the case? I remember my father going all the way to
save his integrity against the whole management of his college, which was
supposed to be invincible for they not only had huge sources of money but also
had loads of contacts. All my father had was his conviction and die hard
attitude. He didn't bend in front of the malevolence and corruption rather stood
strong and defeated all the adversaries. I am waiting for the same conviction
and inner strength to come so that the similar jitters do not appear against
adversaries. Amen!