Pande ji - an exciting life!

 

‘Doctor Sahab, I really wish I become healthy like you. Just once in my life,’ Pande ji said to Principal Sahab. By healthy, he meant beefy and plump.

‘If I had your built, I would have bashed anyone, who dared to even look at my direction.’

He was a Mathematics Professor at a degree college but other than his boring looks, nothing else seemed to have any association with his profession. On the contrary, he resembled a farmer more: gaunt physique, devoid of any form of fat; sunken cheeks; dark complexion; bland clothes – grey trousers and greyer shirt, Bata sandals in his feet, gamcha on his shoulders and thick brown spectacles on his eyes.

He always scurried from one place to another either on foot or on his Atlas Cycle as if already late for something important.

And, his anxiety about his finances to pay off his daughters’ dowry was as permanent as a government job.

‘Maidam (local dialect for Madam), even if I spend 2 lakh per daughter, then too it will cost me 12 lakhs,’ he confided in Madam Principal, with an expression similar to an expectant farmer, waiting for the monsoons.

He appeared happy the other day. Rather, he was bit less anxious. He had found a prospective groom for her daughter, Shraddha.

But Madam Principal was aghast.

‘Pande ji, what are you doing? Shraddha is so well-educated. The boy is unemployed. Why are you marrying her to such a boy? She can get a much better husband.’

‘Maidam, it is not like this. He is not unemployed. He is studying. One day he will start earning. If I go for a working boy, they will ask for more dowry. I have five more daughters to marry off,’ Pande ji had a point to which no one had a counter.

To boost his income, he tried several strategies.

He reared a cow and sold milk. Among many of his daily chores was his duty to tether his cow to a tree for grazing. For some reason, he would do this just before going to the college, all decked up in his grey safari suit, black sandals and combed hair. Often, the cow got rowdy and ran helter-skelter, with Pande ji in the pursuit.

The other season, he joined Life Insurance Corporation, LIC as an agent. Pande ji first went after the teachers to sell the insurance policies. But most teachers were his own ilk, which meant they didn’t spend a dime.

So, he moved on to the students. More than teaching, he told them the importance of life insurance. The students were impressed at the start, confused in the middle and entertained at the end. They never bought a single policy.

Another loss-making venture didn’t daunt Pande ji from trying his luck further. He bought a Mahindra Jeep. It ferried from Allahabad to Bharwari, and from Bharwari to Karari.

Everyone would have sat comfortably on ONE FULL SEAT meant for one person in HIS jeep, but not Pande ji. He would always sit on the right side of the driver – half the butt on the driver’s seat, the other half in the air.

Every time Principal Sahab called Pande ji to sit next to him, he would politely and firmly decline,

‘No Sir, I am alright. Some other passenger can take that seat, he he he,’ talking like a true businessman.

The drivers that he employed – Raja, Mohit, Lucky – were crooks.

Raja sold the brand-new battery of the jeep to his cousin and installed a 3-year old one in it instead.

When Mohit was employed, the jeep started giving the mileage of a train. Further investigation found that he sold the diesel from the jeep to others.

Lucky, more than ferrying the passengers, ferried his girl-friend from her place to her college and back. He is a happily married man now, all thanks to Pande ji and his jeep.

In one of the softer moments, he confided in Madam Principal:

‘Maidam, I don’t have any luck line. See!’ showing his hand.

‘When I put in 100, I get only 5. I tried all the tootkas, kundili, pundits. Nothing worked. I think I am destined to keep working like a donkey.’

‘Arre Pande ji, don’t lose hope. Things will get fine. Let’s have some tea.’

No sooner than the tea was served, the phone rang. It was Mahesh, Pande ji’s elder son.

‘Pappa, Babloo has banged the jeep into a truck. Babloo ran away. The jeep is standing in the Police Station. Come quickly.’

And Pande ji scampered away.

(Pande ji is no more now. Though he didn’t manage to get ‘healthy’, he did marry his daughters and sons to good families. His finances were strong when he breathed his last.)

The names have been changed for obvious reasons.