My Father - My Superhero

There is no worse situation in life of a man than finding his father looking weak. The father can not be weak. He is THE hero, the first macho man that a boy comes across at the age of 3 years, when he is smart enough to look at and understand the world somewhat. He is HIM for the boy, the God whom no one can defeat. The boy finds pride when someone appreciates dad than the dad himself. Any mention of the boy resembling his dad gives strange pleasure which no one else can share.

All the above mentioned feelings I have had as a child, boy and now as a man. I have cried for my dad, have taken offenses, had fights with my sisters and mom whenever they dared to disrespect him, even mildly.
Not that I never fought with him. Of course I have. No father-son relationship is complete without a major disagreement or difference of opinions of both of them on next to everything, be it academics, cricket match, mom etc.

Throughout my life, and earlier, my father has been a rebel, an egoist and a man who knew no fear (read next-to-no-fear. He was damn scared of my grand father!). He was a typical angry-young man of the Amitabh Bachchan era.
At times of adversity, which by God's grace were plenty, I found him more focused, angrier and enthusiastic than he used to be under normal, happy days.

Just a night back, however things were different from whatever I described earlier. I arrived at Delhi on 5th of June, 2010. I found him quite irritated by the proceedings that were going on at the eve of my new-born nephew's naam-karan ceremony. I ignored that. The next day was a busy day. I didn't notice much, however what I did notice was the lack of participation from his side.
Finally on 7th night when my dad n I were sitting, he brought a topic. After retirement, my parents were planning to settle in Lucknow or Allahabad. Suddenly he said that it was wise to return to my native place, my ancestral house than to stay at the other two places. There was discontent immediately. My father n my younger uncle could never agree to even one thing. My aunt is way dominating and more badtamiz than most of the bahus in the saas-bahu serials. My father never wanted to go there ever and here he was talking this. I was flummoxed. However, this wasn't the point that disturbed me. The reasons did.

His reasons were:
1. There is no one to look after them in case any one of them gets ill, and the possibility, I couldn't disagree, is going to increase.
2. The possibility that they stay with me after my job was ruled out. No chance of settling in metro, where I would most-probably.
3. Even if my dad n uncle have differences, and my aunt and mom can not adjust, at least there would be people around at times of emergency.
4. People from his earlier place of employment completely stopped visiting him, despite the fact that he did loads for each and everyone which means there are no people around to talk or socialize with much!

I found his reasons sound, yet I was somehow not convinced about it. Tonight again we were sitting together when I dared ask him about his concern and it took me the toughest of determination to stop the overflow of tears.

After taking Voluntary Retirement, he tried his hands on a private firm. At the time of retirement, he was the senior-most Principal in the UP district. For nearly 25 years of his 33 years service, he was Principal, and with almost complete autonomy. At the new place, the amount of respect that he expected and deserved, didn't come which made him leave the job. This, somehow 'scared' him, a feeling which I would NEVER EVER associate with him. He told me that he felt depressed and the enthusiasm to just get up and go was completely missing. He looked tired and more aged than he actually is.

My father has been my role model all through my life. Whatsoever differences of opinions or thoughts I ever had with him never stopped me from crying every time I called him to say 'I love u' (twice to be precise). I never thought this would happen. I saw old people around, watched movies at the same topic and read articles, but I never let my mind believe that the same might happen to my dad also.

I know it is a temporary phase of insecurity and fear, and it would pass away soon. But till then I wish to be with my dad and want to tell him that I love him more than anyone in this world and that he is the greatest dad of the world and that he was and is my superhero and would always remain one above anyone else!